Day and night

I dont know why I wake up with this feeling.. of sadness.
It's like thrs sumthn inside me .. sumthn tht is so sad tht the pain is almost physical.
I hate it when things are about to end.. I cant deal with closures..
the inertia of my being wants things to stay the same forever..
last night I was happy.. today morning I am sad.. I dont know what happened while I slept.. what changed in the world..
Somewhr in my sleep I let my guards down and each morning I wake up scared.
Everyday.. I have to tell myself the same things .. everyday is a fight.. everyday I hav to tell myself to be happy..
everynight when I sleep I m scared cus I know that the sadness is gonna creep up on me...
It's weird how so few things stay the same from one day to the other..
I know now.. that the only things that stay are the true things... true words.. true gestures.. true smiles.. small true things
Everything else just fades with time.. everything else is short lived no matter how grand .. no matter how long.
I am learning to distinguish.. between what is true and what my heart wishes to be true..
I wish I could blv you.. I wish I was gullible..
Alas m not...
In the morning I know.. I know that you weren't true.